


Actions and Consequences

by Carbon65



Series: Limitations, Liabilities and Fine Print [2]
Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Anger, Character Study, F/M, Gen, Repercussions, The Flash vs. The Arrow
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-04
Updated: 2015-02-05
Packaged: 2018-02-28 02:37:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,058
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2715818
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Carbon65/pseuds/Carbon65
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There are so many reasons to be angry. And, you are. It's not the anger that hits you like a tidal wave, it's the kind of cool dispassionate anger that would let you destroy the world, if you wanted. </p><p>And, maybe you do, no matter the cost.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Actions

You don’t get taken seriously when you’re always late, look like you’re just out of high school, and can’t spell worth shit. You don’t get taken seriously when you’ve been insisting that something supernatural murdered your mother, and everyone around you believes it was your father. You don’t get taken seriously when you follow your foster sister around like a lost puppy.

Maybe you should be used to it now. Maybe you should just let it go.

But, you went to a coffee shop today, and they called you sweetie.

Your PCR didn’t work, because PCR is finicky and sometimes it does work, and sometimes you forget to do the voodoo dance, and it just fails.

And Cisco was snoring last night. Like, badly enough that it rattled the walls of your house.  
And Cisco hasn’t put away his cereal bowl, so there’s nothing for you to eat your breakfast out of. 

And, you woke up with low blood sugar again, which means not only did you lose out on sleep, you woke up in the middle of the night, jacked up on adrenaline to do it.

You tried to buy a bottle of vermouth to make that chicken your mom used to make, and they carded you. And, it was one of those shops that basically doesn’t card anyone. Except you.

And Iris is blind to you.  


And obsessed with Eddy.  


And Eddy is trying to start a task force to investigate you. Because he says you’re dangerous. ...You’re not Oliver Queen. You haven’t killed anyone.

...What happened with Bette, that was an accident.  
You’re good.

And then there’s Oliver, who has so much blood on his hands that he’ll never be able to wash it clean, and he’s telling you how to be good.

And Iris wants to fuck him. Like, straight up, take him home, get out that little plaid skirt that she dragged you out to buy last New Years and put him in that tie, and ... Yeah.  
And he shoot you in the back with fucking arrows.

And, there’s injustice out there. Like, systemic injustice. Wrongful Conviction. Violence. Hunger. Poverty.  Low sample numbers. Insufficient education for girls and women. Racism. Killer Cops who just don’t give a damn. Children lying dead in the streets.  
And, there’s not much you can do about it, because as much as you want to fight this, you can’t do it for them.  
Any more than you can take your father’s place in jail.

Oh, you’re angry.

Not out of control.

Later, there will be a tidal wave of emotion that will draw you under, sinking you in all the fucks that you’ve forgotten to give. And, that will feel out of control. That will be when you cry and pull your hair and gnash your teeth and mourn the fact that for all your speed, you feel completely powerless.

This anger, though. This is the kind of cold, dry, dispassionate apathetic anger that burns somewhere below your heart.

The kind of angry where you’re rational and clear headed, and know that you could tear apart the world, if you wanted.

**  
And maybe, today, you do.**


	2. Consequences

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is what happens after the fall.
> 
> Set sometime between S01e08 and S01e10.

And, of course, everything comes crashing back down. Everything has to come crashing back down.

You remember everything you did in that altered state. You remember every harsh word, every angry action. They echo through your head, a chorus of actions you cannot begin to fathom. A chorus of the man you could be, if you let yourself.

And, the thing is… there are things you like about that Barry. In school, your friends said you gave too many fucks. You were always responsible, always answering questions, always working. Some of it was necessity, you put yourself through school with a dual degree in Chemistry and Biology. In three years. Then, you did that masters in forensic science. There wasn’t time to screw up. There wasn’t time to lose focus. There was never a time it was safe not to care.

That... that was what it felt like to place no restraints on yourself. This is what it feels like to let yourself be whoever the fuck you are. This is what it feels like to take control over your own destiny. This is what it feels like to let your hair down, and let things go. You could stay angry forever, if you wanted…

You remember how sad Felicity was. It felt like she was a puppy you couldn’t stop kicking.

You remember how quiet Cisco became. Cisco isn’t quiet. He’s a lot of things: chaotic and intelligent and a little bit argumentative, but he’s not quiet. He’s not even quiet when he sleeps (...much as you would like to argue that breathing out your nose is not rocket science. Then again, you and Joe had that conversation about courtesy flushes recently, and how apparently super-speed pooping doesn’t do anything to the aroma in the shared bathroom at work.)

But, you remember the fear in Joe’s eyes. Not a fear that you would hurt him, but a fear you would hurt yourself.

But, you remember the look on Iris’ face when she pleaded with you for Eddy’s life. The whites of her eyes huge, her face twisted in fear. And then, there was the disgust - the opposite expression of fear, with her eyes narrow and her chin set when she told you she doesn’t want to see you any more. You’re not a hero. Eddy was right.

The worst part is that when it was happening, you couldn't even bring yourself to care. You knew it was going on, but no one else mattered. Nothing else mattered.  
Your anger was like a divine right.  
A devine right to shatter trust.

And, that cuts deeply into your heart. It makes you feel empty and awful and very much alone. And, you hate yourself a bit.

And, there is the sting of all the rest, everything else that’s crashing down inside of you and making you feel empty and awful and alone.

You don’t know how you’re going to move forward. You don’t know how you’re going to go back to being the man they think you are. (Not the boy you know yourself to be.) You’re not sure you can win back their trust. And that scares you more than anything else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it took me so long to finish this. Sometimes, life parallels fiction and sometimes fiction parallels like and sometimes things are entirely too meta.


End file.
